The Wish

“Carnatic music runs in my blood. My great grand-father Kumabakonam Vaithyanathan Iyer was a musical genius. It is said the late Governor General Rajagopalachari stood up and applauded when he heard my great grand-father sing at the Tyagaraja Aradhana music festival. My grand-father Kumbakonam Pattabhiraman Iyer was the first in our family to travel outside of India. He has performed in front of the Queen of the England. My father Kumbakonam Ananthanarayanan Iyer won the Padma Vibhushan award for vocal music,” said Kumbakonam Venkataramani Iyer. There was pride in his voice and his eyes lit up when he spoke about his musical lineage.

Suddenly his head dropped and his shoulders slouched. He shook his head and let out a big sigh.

“My son Parthasarathy,” he said in a low tone,” does not have an iota of music in him. After six generations the line has been broken. I have tried everything possible, but I guess the Lord has other plans. Some of the most prominent playback singers and musicians today are my students. But my son has turned out to be a dud.”

“Please do not say that Venkataramani. Did you see the photos Sarathy has taken? They have appeared in the National Geographic magazine. It has made him famous, “ said Bala Gopalan. “Today he has made a name for himself. Maybe there is another destiny for him.”

“Another destiny?  What does Kumbakonam Venkataramani ‘s son do? He takes pictures of snakes and butterflies. Great! Do you know how frustrating it is when I go out?  People laugh behind my back. I put my head down in shame when people me ask about my son. I understand your situation Bala. After all, your daughter Shyamala is married to Parthasarathy. You have been a good friend for so many years, tell me, what sin have I committed to have a son like this. Sometimes I wish I never had such a son.”

“Please do not say that Ramani. Do you know how frustrating it for Sarathy to be able to not sing? There were many days when he used to come home and cry sitting on the thinnai. Since the last ten years both of you have neither spoken nor seen each other. What will be, will be. Change is the necessity of life Ramani and maybe it’s time to let go of your ego. You wife Sarasa has also lived in pain for many years and she is torn between you and her son. Now there is a good reason as well. If not for your son or your wife, at least for your six month old grand-daughter. “

There was a long silence. “You are right Bala. What will be, will be. I have no heir. Please do not come here again as Parthasarathy’s father-in-law. However you are always welcome as a friend.” Saying so Venkataramani got up from the chair and walked out of the room.

The bright white light enveloped him. Surprisingly the light provided him not heat but a tingling sense of coolness. He was floating in the white light. “Am I in a dream or is this reality?” he thought….

“You have a chance to change your life.” 

He quickly turned around to see where the voice came from. But he found no one….

“Who is this?” he asked.

“The question to ask my dear friend is, do you want to change your life?”

“Tell me who you are and what do you want,” he demanded.

“Well, consider me a,” the voice paused,” a well-wisher. So, do you want the chance to change your life?”

“I have a good life. A loving wife, a beautiful daughter, a good job and great friends. What more can I ask for? Why should I change my life?”

“Tell me, do you love music?”

“Yes. Who doesn’t?”

“How about a chance to be able to sing. Be better than you father. Earn his pride and redeem yourself. What if you were given a chance to re-write your life? Would you take it?”

The questions confused him. His adolescence had been spent in frustration and solitude. Deep inside he knew he wanted nothing more. Just be able to sing one song. Prove he was his father’s son. What if the voice really had the power to provide him that chance?

“How do I know you can do what you are saying?” he asked.

“You just have to trust,” said the voice.

“OK, what if I take the offer you are making me?”

“Well, then on the third sunrise from today, make your wish.”

“There are no free lunches in this world. So what’s the price?”

There was long silence. Finally the voice said, “Maya…..”

When Sarathy opened his eyes, it was complete darkness. He groped for the light switch and flicked it on. But nothing happened. He flicked the switch a few more times but in vain.

“The power is out,” said his wife. “Try to find the flashlight. I remember it being in the top shelf of the book stand.”

“No, it’s ok. The power outages are getting longer. The first thing we are going to do when the magazine pays me is get a UPS. The motorcycle can wait a bit. At least with the UPS, the fan and lights will work and Maya will be able to sleep comfortably at night,” said Sarathy.

“Did you have a bad dream?" asked his wife.

Sarathy was about to mention his conversation with the voice but held back.

When there was no response from her husband Shyamala said, “You worry too much about me and Maya. We are just fine.”

“All my life I have been falling short on expectations. During my teens I strived hard to meet the expectations of my father. When I couldn’t, I ran from home. Now am striving to provide at least a basic standard of life for my family and am still short.”

“Come on, Sarathy. Today you are doing what you love. With a camera in hand you can produce sheer magic. You just need to believe in yourself some more. Maya and I have very little expectations from you. We just need you to be happy. Your smile brings unbound joy on Maya’s face. Same on mine as well.”

“You have too much faith in me Shyamala. My father once called me a dud in front of my whole family. That day I didn’t believe it, but maybe it’s true.” Shymala could sense the frustration in her husband’s voice. Before she could say anything, he got from the bed and left the room.

Sarathy found the latches of the door and unlocked them. He opened the balcony door to let the night’s cool breeze in. As he stood in the balcony his mind wandered to the dream he had. What if it is true? Could the voice really provide him a chance to re-write his life? Even if the offer was true, how would he be able to justify his actions to Shyamala? There was also a steep price pay. As the thoughts swirled in his head, he felt restless.

“Do not be a fool Sarathy!” shouted Vinay. “It’s just a dream. Think logically. Is it possible to change our past? We can only live in the present and through the choices we make, hope for a better future.”

“But what if it’s true? What if I can change my entire life? You know I will do anything to learn music. Just sing one song. Prove to my dad am worthy to be his son. You know it better than anyone Vinay, deep inside I yearn for my father’s love. When I hear you and others talk lovingly about your parents and family I am filled with remorse and envy. Its only when you do not have something, you will realize the value it holds.”

Vinay could sense the flood on emotions in his friend’s voice. “Ok let’s assume for five minutes that the dream you had was real. Let’s also assume that you make your wish and it is granted. You become a terrific singer and your father accepts you. What about your wife and child Sarathy? How will you ever be able to convince Shyamala? Maya is just six months old. You have no right to trade her to change your life! She is your future.”

Silence ensued for the next few minutes. Sarathy stared into his hot cup of coffee. Finally he said, “ Am just a common man Vinay. I too seek money and fame like all others. I have not achieved anything in my life till now. I do not want my wife or kids in the future to say – I have done nothing for them.”

“But can you carry the guilt all through your life? Do you think Shayama will ever forgive you? Hell, you must be insane if you think there will be a future for you. Yes, your dad will place you on a pedestal and you will ride success, but when you are alone the thought of your child and wife will push further each day down a dark hole from which you will never be able to climb out. Trust me my friend, if what you say is true, never make the wish. It will be the most regrettable decision of your life.” Vinay quickly got up and left the cafe in anger.

Each minute feels like an hour and each hour like a day. Vinay is avoiding me like the plague. I haven’t spoken to Shyamala properly in the last two days.  I haven’t been able to look into Maya’s eyes either. It’s a difficult choice! It’s an insane choice! But don’t we all have to make choices every day? Some days the choices we make have lesser impact and on others it creates a sweeping change in our life. The question really is - how many of those choices we make are morally right? Can we say with pride that all the choices we make are selfless? Or is not based on materialism. The underpinning truth is we all compromise and live with guilt.  To make a selfless choice requires courage and only a few have it. Today they are the greats in the hall of fame. So why should I be different?

As Sarathy sat in the balcony, the first rays of the sun emerged and he could see it kissing the surface of the earth. He closed his eyes and made his wish.

“Sarathy come quick. It’s Maya,” shouted Shyamala from behind.

“What happened?”

“Just come. You have to see this. Maya has turned on her belly and she is giggling. Get your camera.”

Suddenly the phone buzzed loudly.  When Sarathy answered the call he could hear Vinay’s concerned voice at the other end, “What did you wish for?”

"To hell with music," said Sarathy. He slammed the phone down and rushed to get his camera.