About 3 months ago….
“You win some and you lose some KG. That’s the way it is.”
“ Come on Gauri, don’t get philosophical on me. Philosophy fills the void left by science. As humans we cannot accept the fact that sometimes there are no answers. At best our mind is analytical and our heart confused. So philosophy falls right into the slot. Some loses are just not fair,” I said.
“ Forget it. You remember how we first met?” asked Gauri with a smile.
“Well during the conference last year. The finance track moderator tanked at the last minute and you approached me. Before I could say yes or no, you forced a script into my hands, turned around and took flight.”
Gauri burst out laughing. “That’s not what happened. You make it look so dramatic. Before I approached you I asked Anil if there was anyone in his team who could speak well, was energetic, oozed confidence and could handle a crowd. He pointed at you. And when I approached you I did explain the agenda, your role, etc”
“ None of that description fits me. Maybe you got the wrong person. All you did was shove a script in my hand, turn back and flee. After that I ran around like a frightened chicken asking everyone what to do. Finally when I did figure it out, I was late for the session by 15 minutes and had to profusely apologize to the participants in the hall. I stammered with the opening lines, sweat poured down the sides of my face and was blinded by the lights. I looked so dumb on stage thanks to you.”
“But the best part is you managed it so well KG.I am proud of you. I got some good reviews about your track from participants. I did peep into your session for a few minutes and you looked completely comfortable. I also heard you exchanged numbers with a few good looking women,” said Guri. She nudged me with her elbow.
“ Don’t chide me. I just wanted to strangle you after the session but you disappeared. The next day you called and invited me for dinner. I came with a plan to blow my top but your smile saved the day for you,” I said.
With that I got up to leave. “ All the best for your trip Gauri. Have fun and do send me some pictures when you return. And please return my camping bag in good condition.”
“Will take care of it like my baby. And KG…” she hesitated.
“ Yes Gauri.”
“You have been a terrific friend. Thanks for sticking by me.”
“Cool. See you when I see you,” I said. With that I turned and left Gauri standing in the balcony.
About 2 weekends ago..
My phone was constantly ringing since morning and with every call I was closer to the point of breaching the irritation level. My best friend was getting married and the ‘To Do” list seemed never ending. As I pulled the car out of the garage the phone rang for a zillionth time. At first I ignored the call. The phone buzzed again.
“Bro, am on my way. Will be there in 30,” I barked into the phone and was about to cut the call.
“KG I got some news. Hold on,” said the voice.
As the voice at the other end started speaking, my heart sank. I ended the call without uttering a single word. It seemed impossible. How could this happen? It was not meant to end this way. As I sat it the car the realization hit me. I knew all along that inevitability would strike. It was just a matter of time.
I quickly hit the dial button. “Anil, I coming to the hospital. I cannot go for the wedding. I need to see her,” I said.
“ Bro the situation is not right here. There are some family issues as well.”
“But then this happened so quickly. I called her last week. She did not answer my calls. I should have realized thi…..” my voice shivered and a lump formed in my throat.
“Gauri wanted it this way KG. Only her parents and roommate were with her when the end came “ said Anil. “ You need to be at the wedding. People are expecting you and your closest to Somu. Please don’t tell this news to him or anyone. It will just stir the pot and things may go haywire.”
“I cannot do this. It’s impossible to look calm and appear as if everything is normal. Wait for me there,” I said. I quickly cut and call and raced to the hospital. The wailing and commotion as I got off the elevator was palpable. A hand tugged at my shirt and I was pulled into the corner.
“Her end came fast. The cancer spread to her kidneys and she went into a cardiac arrest during dialysis. We all knew this was going to happen KG. And yet we are unprepared when it happens. That’s the irony,” said Anil.
I was dumfounded for the next hour. Finally after much persuasion I decided to go for the wedding. As I put on a plastic smile and made conversations my heart melted. Flashes of Gauri, our never ending conversations, her delicious food and undying spirit faded in and out of my mind. After an hour I found some excuses and left the wedding hall filled with remorse.
Challenge is probably an understated synonym of life. And when its threaded with unpredictability the compounding result is most often than not overwhelming. Some (if not most) challenging situations in life are beyond reason. The losses cannot be explained. The gains are however accepted with open arms with no questions asked. In life we encounter numerous situations, be it in personal of professional space, that completely throws us off balance. No matter how much we train our minds to cushion the impact, the severe jolt from such situations leaves a lasting impression for eternity. Few of us recover quick while others struggle for long periods to find the lost balance. In the end with time normalcy does limber back into our lives driven by the undying human spirit to surge ahead. Every time we encounter such a situation the process starts all over again. And every time the same questions swirl in our head – why me? What went wrong? Is this fair? etc . The answers however to all questions are also the same – silence. Maybe there are no answers or maybe it is beyond the realms of the ordinary man to comprehend even if it is provided. In the end, the only explanation that I have come up with is…. That’s life!
We bid adieu to Gauri form this world but not from our memories.
